


Growing Up Again

by rememberwhenyoutried



Series: Let There Be Light [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, F/F, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Transstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-04 08:39:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1078893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rememberwhenyoutried/pseuds/rememberwhenyoutried
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose has an exceptionally unpleasant experience, but she gets to have alien vampire sleepovers after. Dave's romantic prospects become more complicated. Kanaya eats at least one Pop Tart. </p>
<p>A sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/999745/chapters/1979475">An Earth-Shattering Confession</a>. Rose is a trans girl and Dave is a trans guy and one or two of the others are starting to think hard about their relationship with gender. More characters will be tagged as and when they wander into the story.</p>
<p>Content Warning: in the first chapter Rose describes an incident of sexual harassment, but there are no graphic depictions of assault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  
  
TT: Kanaya, are you there?  
TT: Kanaya?  
TT: I need to stay with you tonight. I can't go home.  
TT: I know it's short notice.  
TT: I'm an idiot.   
TT: I fucked up.   
GA: Rose Whats Wrong  
GA: Where Are You  
GA: We Will Come And Get You  
TT: I'm in the 24 hour laundromat by the sports store.  
GA: I Know The One  
GA: Porrim Has The Car  
GA: I Texted Her She Will Be Only A Few Minutes  
GA: Are You Ok  
GA: You Dont Seem Like Youre Okay  
TT: I'm not okay.  
TT: I mean, I'm unharmed. And I guess nothing really serious has happened?  
TT: I don't know. I don't really know how to quantify it. I don't have a scale calibrated for this sort of thing.  
GA: What Do You Mean  
GA: What Sort Of Thing  
GA: Rose Please I Am Worried  
TT: Like I said, it wasn't serious. Except it could have been. I can see the shape of how it might have turned out and it terrifies me.  
TT: I can see it so clearly.  
TT: I can see him so clearly.  
TT: Please don't worry. I am in no danger.  
TT: But I  
TT: I don't want to be alone.  
GA: Rose You Wont Have To Be Alone  
GA: We Are Coming  
GA: Why Dont You Tell Me What Happened  
TT: Okay.   
TT: With mom out of town I've been cooking for myself, and I've run a little low on ingredients. Normally we have our food delivered if we've forgotten to go shopping, but the credit card mom left is expired.  
TT: I'm not going to tell her that. She'll think it was her fault.  
TT: We've been so much better lately. So much more open.  
TT: I don't know if I used to shut her out or she used to shut me out.  
TT: Both, probably.  
TT: We're so similar.  
TT: We're so similar and I never saw it.  
TT: Please don't let me tell her about the credit card.  
GA: Rose!  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: Right.  
TT: Sorry.  
TT: I drove to the whole foods store and filled the trunk with groceries. It was all perfectly normal except for the security guard who sang to me.  
TT: And maybe he sings to everyone.  
TT: It was on the way home.  
TT: I picked up a hitch hiker.  
TT: It didn't go well.  
GA: Oh  
GA: Ah  
TT: Yeah.   
TT: I didn't think. I'm not used to having to be careful about that.   
GA: What Happened  
GA: What Did He Do  
TT: We drove for a little while and everything seemed okay. He was telling me about his band and I wasn't really listening.   
TT: Perhaps he was a little flirty; I don't know. I'm not good at spotting that.  
TT: But then I realized he hadn't told me where he needed to go. When he got in originally he just said he was going the same way I was.  
TT: I didn't think anything of it!  
GA: Oh Rose  
TT: We were getting close to the exit for the Falls and I asked him again, where did he need to go?  
TT: He said to keep going.   
TT: Then he touched my leg and called me darling.   
GA: !  
TT: And he starts moving his hand up my leg and I don't know what to do.   
TT: I can't push his hand away because he might get angry, and he's not all that much bigger than me but what the hell can I do against an angry guy, especially when we're both in a tiny car? Crash it?  
TT: But I can't let him keep going because, okay, I went out in kind of a hurry and I was wearing a loose skirt and   
TT: I didn't tuck. My... my bits were just there under my clothes and he was going to find them and get  
TT: REALLY angry.  
TT: Or maybe he knew and that's why he was doing it.  
TT: Maybe he knew maybe he knew maybe he knew.  
TT: Do you think he knew?  
TT: Oh god what might he have done? I don't know what's worse.  
GA: Please Finish The Story I Am Very Anxious  
GA: We Are On Our Way Incidentally  
GA: Ten Minutes  
GA: You Are Safe Arent You  
GA: Please  
GA: Tell Me You Are Safe  
GA: And Away From This Man  
TT: I'm safe.   
TT: In the end I pushed his hand away but I smiled and tried to look flirty.   
TT: I don't know why.  
TT: What a stupid thing to do.  
TT: Instinct?  
TT: I didn't want him to be angry.   
TT: I didn't want him to hurt me.  
TT: I said I forgot something in town and I needed to go back for it. I asked if he wanted me to drop him off.  
TT: But he didn't.  
TT: He said he'd come back to town with me. He said he wasn't in a hurry.  
TT: I was so scared. I didn't have any way to get him out of my car and he'd already touched me once.  
TT: I also wanted to find a way to turn the car around without slowing down too much; I didn't want to make it easy or safe for him to do more than touch my leg.  
TT: So I did a crazy one-eighty in the parking lot of a truck stop a minute or so down the road and I drove back to town.  
TT: He wouldn't keep his hand off my leg but he didn't seem like he was going to try and move it again so I let him keep it there. It seemed safer.  
TT: I  
TT: I kind of hate myself for that actually.  
GA: No No No  
GA: Rose Lalonde  
GA: Listen To Me  
GA: Do Not Judge Yourself For Actions You Took  
GA: Or Did Not Take  
GA: So That You Could Be Safe  
GA: Do Not  
GA: Just  
GA: Dont  
GA: Oh My Sweetheart  
GA: We Are Nearly There  
GA: Nearly With You  
GA: Im Going To Hold You So Tight  
GA: Is He Still Around  
TT: I don't know.  
TT: When I got back to town I saw another car in the parking lot outside the mall, and there was a family, a dad and a mom and a couple of kids, walking to the car.  
TT: I pulled up way too fast, leapt out and waved to the family as if they knew me.  
TT: I walked over, leaving him in the car, and I asked if they would talk to me for a few minutes.  
TT: I told them about him and I asked if they would pretend to be friends of mine. Until he went away.  
TT: They agreed. Thank god.  
TT: We talked for a few minutes. I don't remember what the hell we talked about. Eventually he got out of the car and called out, said he'd find another way home.  
TT: He sounded pissed.  
GA: But At Least He Left  
TT: I don't know. Maybe.  
TT: I thanked the family and the mom hugged me and they drove off.  
TT: They were really sweet and kind.  
TT: But the parking lot seemed huge and I was a long way from my car. I was worried he was waiting for me.  
TT: I ran for the laundromat. Told the woman who owns it what happened.  
TT: She gave me a juice box.  
TT: Told me to call a friend to come get me.  
TT: Which, having finally come to something resembling my senses, I am now doing.  
TT: I don't want to go home.  
TT: I don't want to be alone.  
GA: You Dont Have To Be Alone  
GA: Were Here  
GA: I Will See You In A Moment  
TT: Okay.  
  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

~

You put your phone back in your bag and exhale slowly, trying to visualize the air leaving your lungs. You’ve been hyper-aware of your surroundings and unless you concentrate on something specific you start getting overwhelmed. The lights here are too bright. The one machine spinning lazily in the corner is too loud.

Outside the windows it’s too dark.

You’re so damn _stupid_. And angry! Angry at this random fucking guy because you’re never going to pick up a hitch-hiker again. And you’ll probably always be nervous around strange men. And you’ll never walk alone at night again. And yeah, maybe these are sensible precautions to take in future, but you’re angry anyone should have to.

It’s sinking in that this is it, this is a change in your life and your outlook that was always coming. You knew, abstractly, that harassment was something you’d have to face as a woman, as a trans person, and as a trans woman, but there’s knowing and then there’s—

Then there’s his hand on your leg, moving upwards towards your crotch.

You must have lost yourself for a second because the next thing you know there are strong arms around you and Kanaya glowing like a vengeful star is right there and holding you and you push aside your fear and your self-hatred and you cling right back.

After a few moments she pulls away slightly and looks you in the eyes.

“Are you really okay?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” you say. “Physically I’m fine, but... I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to know. Not yet.” She tugs on your arm. “You’re coming home with me. Come on. Give Porrim your keys and she’ll drive your car. I’ll drive you.”

You allow yourself to be got up and walked out of the laundromat. With your free hand you wave your thanks to the woman who runs the place but out here in the dark your other arm, wrapped around Kanaya’s, is the only thing anchoring you to the world right now and you hold on as tightly as you can, for fear that without her presence you might run back into that brightly lit store and never leave again.


	2. Chapter 2

“Rose, are you awake?”

You’re in Kanaya’s bed, wrapped in her hand-made sheets, stubbornly unable to fall asleep. Kanaya, in deference to her guardian’s wishes, is supposedly sleeping on a futon on the other side of the room, but as soon as the door closed she’d quietly scooched over to the side of the bed, the better to hold your hand. 

Seeing Porrim again had been unexpectedly embarrassing: it struck you on the way to the apartment Kanaya shared with her ancestor that this would be only your second time meeting her, and that your first had been on the occasion of a quite enormous freak out; a gendercrash, you labeled it after the fact, with some prodding from Dave. But if she thinks you unstable, unsuitable for the miraculous young woman who was for all intents and purposes on this human-dominated planet her daughter, she hasn't shown it. 

Instead she indulgently cooked you a meal—well, microwaved a frozen dinner—and put the both of you to bed with promises that she didn’t need to sleep tonight and thus would be in the next room if she were needed. She’d even fended off the advances of a troll who looked for all the world like Vriska’s taller and much more intimidating twin, who apparently had been under the impression that the evening would go rather differently for her. 

Another favor. Another favor from someone you barely know. You resolve to keep Porrim Maryam, six foot eight of intimidating but beautiful gray, not counting horns, at the top of the list when it comes time to start returning them.

After all, here you are, in the dark, with her beloved descendant. 

“Rose, are you awake?”

“Yes.”

The shadows recede a little, and you are again reminded that you will never truly be in the dark with Kanaya around.

“Good.”

She sits up on her futon and her head comes into view. When she’s the only light source in the room it can be a bit difficult to make out her features unless you get really close, so you shuffle over on your elbows until your faces are less than two feet apart.

You smile. You want to let her know you’re okay; you’re not over the events of the evening but in this cozy room you feel so safe, so protected, that it’s difficult to think about them. You decide to give that feeling of safety a helping hand and push the hitch-hiker and all the thoughts that swirl around him to the back of your mind.

“That’s it?” you reply. “Just, ‘good?’”

“I can’t think of anything else,” Kanaya says sleepily. “I wanted to hear your voice and, well, I wanted to see you smile, after what happened. And you have graciously rewarded me with both. I can go to sleep in peace.”

“Wait,” you say. “Talk with me a little? That is, assuming we’re not risking with every whisper detection by the superpowered rainbow drinker last seen watching Top Model in the kitchen and drinking blood through a straw?”

“We’re safe. Super-hearing is not part of the mysterious drinker powers package.”

“I know I keep thanking you,” you say, “but I really am grateful. I hope this—me staying the night—is not too much of an imposition.”

Kanaya assembles one of the most serious expressions you’ve ever seen on her. “Rose,” she says, “don’t be silly. I’ve wanted you to see my room, visit my neighborhood, ever since I first visited yours. I only wish it had been under better circumstances.”

“I owe Porrim a lot. I should get her a gift.”

“Nonsense. She is happy to see me happy, and already grateful for your mother’s blood supply. She doesn’t want anything.”

You think of Porrim and Kanaya sleeping in adjacent rooms in the same small apartment—small but with high ceilings, like a lot of the purpose-built troll buildings in this part of town—and you wonder aloud what it must have been like to grow up with someone so intimidating.

Kanaya laughs. “Porrim’s not intimidating! When I was out of the grub stage she used to take me down to see the Mother sometimes; my earliest memories are of being sat on her knee before the Mother Grub while the others worked. Porrim would sing to both of us.” She closes her eyes and sighs. “When I think of safety, when I think of happiness, I think of the Mother’s cave, and Porrim’s song.”

Wow. “That sounds wonderful.”

Kanaya’s answering smile becomes a huge, toothy yawn she utterly fails to stifle, and you can’t help but respond. When you’re done you lean over and kiss her on the cheek before dropping back onto the mattress.

“It seems like it’s time for both of us to sleep,” Kanaya says.

“I don’t want to stop talking yet,” you protest groggily.

“Alright then,” she says, and you love her a little bit more for indulging you. “What should we talk about?” 

You squeeze her hand. “Anything. Tell me about your day. Let me listen to you.”

She starts telling you about her morning spent sketching outfits for some commission or other, and you concentrate only on the sound of her voice and the reassuring certainty of her hand in yours.

A few minutes later you’re briefly woken by the sensation of someone—probably someone absolutely wonderful—kissing you gently on the forehead, but you don’t quite manage to open your eyes.

~

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
  
GA: Karkat  
GA: I Know We Were Planning A Thing For This Morning  
GA: A Rollerskating Thing  
GA: But Im Afraid We Are Going To Have To Reschedule  
GA: Sorry  
GA: I Hope I Have Messaged You Early Enough That You Have Not Already Put On Your Skating Garments And Strapped On Your Adorable Helmet  
CG: THERE IS NOTHING ADORABLE ABOUT MY HELMET, IT'S NOT LIKE I CHOSE IT, IT WAS THE LAST ONE IN THE SHOP.  
CG: IT'S LIVING AMONG HUMANS THAT HAS GIVEN YOU THE IDEA THAT A CANDY PINK THINKBONE PROTECTOR IS SOMEHOW AMUSING.  
GA: It Has A Cheese Creature On The Front  
GA: Although In All Fairness It Is Striking A Fearsome Pose  
CG: I WILL BROOK NO FURTHER MOCKERY OF MY FEARSOME CHEESE CREATURE HAT.  
CG: NOW WHY ARE WE CANCELING? THIS WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SEE YOU THIS WEEK.  
GA: I Dont Know If I Should Tell You  
GA: Hold On A Moment  
GA: Ah  
GA: Rose Just Put Down Her Mobile Device Rolled Over In Bed Asked Who I Was Talking To  
GA: And Gave Her Permission For Me To Tell You Everything  
GA: She Likes You  
CG: OF COURSE SHE DOES.  
CG: I AM THE MOST LIKEABLE TROLL. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.  
CG: WAIT, SHE'S IN YOUR BED?  
CG: IS THIS A THING NOW?  
GA: Its Not Like That  
GA: Why Does Everyone Always Assume Its Like That  
GA: Okay Well  
GA: I Would Very Much Like It To Be That But We Are  
GA: Young  
GA: And A Little Fragile In Our Own Ways  
GA: Honestly Right Now We Are Content To Cuddle And Kiss  
GA: But It Is Not For Reasons Of Intimacy That She Is Here This Morning  
GA: Yesterday Evening She Was Alone In Her Car  
GA: And She Picked Up A Hitch Hiker  
GA: A Man  
CG: YEAH?  
GA: Hmm  
GA: How To Explain This  
GA: Its Tricky Ground For Me  
GA: There Is A Level Of Harassment That Human Women Face Daily That Is Not Really An Issue For Me  
GA: Given That I Am Obviously An Alien To Them With Fearsome Horns  
GA: I Dont Get Much Harassment  
GA: Anyway There Is A Pervasive Attitude Among Human Men  
GA: That Human Women And Especially Younger Women Are There Only For Their Sexual Gratification  
CG: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT YOU DON'T HAVE TO LAY IT ALL OUT FOR ME.  
CG: I SHOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU MEANT IMMEDIATELY.   
CG: FOR THE LAST SEVERAL SECONDS I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE THUMPING MYSELF IN THE PAN WITH MY ADORABLE HELMET.  
CG: I GET IT NOW.  
CG: SO HE TRIED SOMETHING.  
GA: Yes  
GA: He Was Quite Sexually Aggressive  
GA: She Was Scared Not Just Because Of That But  
GA: Remember When She Revealed Herself As Trans To All Our Friends And We Were Worried They Would Act Like Jerks  
CG: OF COURSE I REMEMBER.  
CG: ONE OF OUR MORE ROMANTICALLY MALADJUSTED ASSOCIATES TRIED BRIEFLY TO WORK IT INTO HIS PERMANENT ONGOING BLACK SOLICITATION OF ANYONE WITHIN A THREE MILE RADIUS WHO HASN'T ALREADY PELTED HIM IN THE BULGE WITH A ROCK, BUT REALLY NONE OF OUR LOT SEEMED TO GIVE A SHIT?  
CG: IT WAS ONLY EGBERT. HE WAS CONCERNED IT WOULD MAKE HIM A "HOMOSEXUAL" AND SOMEHOW SUSTAINED THIS IDIOCY THROUGH SEVERAL MINUTES OF EDUCATIONAL YELLING.  
GA: Yes Well Exactly  
GA: These Sorts Of Encounters Can Become Violent As It Is  
GA: Now Imagine Someone Having A Bad Reaction To A Trans Girl But Also Being The Type Of Man To Touch Someone Without Their Permission  
GA: Entitlement Plus Irrational Anger  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: DID SHE GET AWAY OKAY?  
GA: Yeah  
GA: Drove Back To Town And Stayed In The Laundromat  
GA: In The Light  
GA: Until Porrim And I Arrived  
CG: DID YOU SEE HIM?  
CG: HAS ROSE DESCRIBED HIM?  
CG: CAN WE FIND HIM?  
GA: No No And I Do Not Think It Wise  
GA: Rose Wants To Put This Incident Behind Her  
GA: She Is Shaken But Unharmed  
GA: She Is Still Processing It And I Think We Should Give Her The Time She Needs Without Hassling Her For Information She May Not Want To Give And Courses Of Action She May Prefer To Avoid  
GA: We Had A Calm Night Once We Got Here  
GA: I Made Sure To Be A Reassuring Presence While She Was Sleeping  
GA: At Least Until It Occurred To Me To Contact You And Cancel Our Practice Session  
CG: YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO ROLLERSKATE ANY TIME.  
GA: I Still Dont Understand How You Expect To Be A Good Teacher  
GA: I Mean  
GA: Youve Never Tried It  
CG: I'M A QUICK STUDY WITH A LOW CENTER OF GRAVITY.  
CG: AND I'M BASICALLY GREAT AT EVERYTHING, DID YOU FORGET?  
GA: How Could I  
GA: Anyway Thats The Story  
GA: Im Not Sure What Happens Next  
GA: I Am Loath To Send Her Back Home When Her Mother Is Still Out Of Town  
GA: I Suspect She Will Stay Here For The Rest Of The Week  
CG: SO WE'LL GET TO SEE EVEN LESS OF YOU THAN USUAL?  
CG: SHE'S BEEN MONOPOLIZING YOUR TIME YOU KNOW.  
CG: IT'S NOT THAT I MIND.  
CG: BUT I MISS YOU.  
GA: Karkat I Am Touched  
GA: Hmm  
GA: Maybe You Should Come Over  
GA: See Me And Rose  
GA: It Will Be Nice  
CG: YEAH WHY NOT.  
GA: See You Soon Then  
  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

~

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  
  
TT: Hi mom.  
TT: I stayed with Kanaya last night.  
TT: If you find yourself immediately leaping to a conclusion I advise you to take a step back and reconsider your trajectory.  
TT: I had a rather unpleasant encounter with a man last night. I'm fine, but I didn't want to sleep alone in an otherwise empty house, so I stayed over at the Maryams'. You should know that whatever motherly contract you have with Porrim to ensure our continued virginity is being adhered to faithfully. She was considerate and only a little nosy.  
TT: I'm going to ask if I can stay here for the next few nights. Until I regain my equilibrium.  
TT: So.  
TT: Just letting you know in case the rumor mill finds you before you return.  
TT: I hope you're having a nice time.  
  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

~

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
  
TG: rose  
TG: rose  
TG: earth to rose  
TG: sos  
TG: teenage troll magnet in distress  
TG: im covered in hot aliens and i need immediate assistance  
TG: jegus doesnt your laptop make a noise in these situations  
TG: doesnt its giant computer brain know what to do  
TG: handsome motherfucker in need oh right time to play klaxon.mp3 at full volume  
TG: what are you even doing  
TT: What seems to be the problem?  
TG: at last where were you  
TT: In the shower, if you must know.   
TG: a bit late for that isnt it  
TT: I am not alone.   
TG: oh right  
TG: not alone  
TG: you dont need to be so delicate i know its kanaya  
TG: hi kanaya   
TT: Now she's in the shower.   
TG: still having separate showers   
TG: damn  
TG: i thought you were the queen of the quick makeout  
TG: from zero to fireworks in one week  
TT: We are pacing ourselves. Not only is this the first interspecies romance either of us has engaged in, but our combined prior romantic experience could be summed up with fairly large handwriting on the back of a grain of rice.  
TT: I will admit to taking considerably longer than you might expect to traverse the short distance between the bathroom and Kanaya's room, but bathrobes were kept firmly tied.   
TG: well isnt that sweet  
TG: wait kanayas room  
TG: youre in trollville  
TT: Yes.  
TT: I had an unfortunate experience last night that I'd rather not go over again. Suffice it to say I will be staying with the Maryams for the rest of the week.  
TG: well that could be a problem  
TG: word is vriskas coming for you  
TG: shes pissed about you and kanaya for some reason  
TG: apparently they used to date  
TT: Kanaya's mentioned it, yes.  
TG: yeah well  
TG: tz said she said shes gonna bring the pain  
TT: I'm honestly not too worried about Vriska, especially now. She seems to be all hiss and no venom. "Bringing the pain" has thus far consisted of a barrage of rude letters.  
TG: what really  
TG: letters  
TT: Tavros delivers them. On the front, insults in cerulean print with far too many vowels; on the back, apologies in brown ink with far too much punctuation.  
TT: So technically it's Tavros who's been bringing the pain.  
TT: Vriska has at least been typing the pain.  
TT: Presumably it's her printer, too.  
TT: After consulting with Tavros I have decided to ignore her. In the absence of a response the letters have increased in frequency, so he brings them in bundles weekly to save on moped gas.   
TT: I make my specialty breakfast for him.   
TG: you mean toast  
TT: French toast.  
TG: man whats french about toast  
TT: How were you raised that you don't know what French toast is?  
TG: youve met my bro right  
TG: in the mornings we eat sugar bombs off shitty anime swords  
TG: if we want a healthy breakfast we use a spoon  
TT: Google it. He likes it, anyway. It's nice; a little Thursday morning ritual. When the semester starts he's offered me a ride in.   
TG: its good to know youre not about to die in a piratey apocalypse  
TG: a pirocalypse  
TT: I haven't discounted her completely. I'm braced for something ridiculously dramatic once she realizes I'm not taking her bait. Her b8, sorry.  
TT: What I don't know is whether this is black flirting or if she's merely being an ass.  
TT: Anyway.  
TT: Half a lifetime ago you said something about being in distress?   
TG: right  
TG: my problem  
TG: the night of the bbq  
TG: terezi kissed me  
TT: I know. It was in one of Vriska's letters. She's better than Tumblr for staying on top of local gossip.  
TG: yeah but i dont know what to do now  
TT: Isn't this the sort of romantic indecision for which you would rightly mock me?  
TT: Did you like the kiss?  
TG: yeah it was like making out with a hot and frantic shark  
TT: Such vivid imagery. Do you like Terezi?  
TG: yeah  
TT: Then I fail to see the source of your problem.  
TG: well  
TG: uh  
TG: the thing is  
TG: we were talking the other night  
TT: "Talking" or actually talking?  
TG: both  
TG: she wants to get karkat involved  
TT: In another quadrant?  
TG: the same one  
TG: one big unhappy red quadrant   
TT: Hmm.  
TT: Okay.  
TT: After a lot of thought I have a suggestion.  
TT: Nepeta.  
TG: right you think i should make out with nepeta  
TT: No!  
TT: Well, perhaps.  
TG: hold on a sec gonna put a sprig of catnip in my buttonhole spray myself with feliway and waltz on down to chez lejion with a really fuckin big fish  
TT: Who else is in a better position to advise you romantically? She's something of a shipper, I've heard.  
TG: ok i mean i like nepeta  
TG: weve been hanging out a bit but  
TG: im not sure im ready to let her into the  
TG: yknow  
TG: circle of trust  
TG: nudge nudge wink wink  
TT: I don't see why you'd be worried about her. All our friends and a random selection of bystanders know about me, and the one person who made a big deal out of it was decidedly human.  
TT: Nepeta was curious but shy, if I remember correctly.  
TT: I bet she'll get a kick out of solving your quadrant quandary.  
GA: It Will Be Nice For Her  
TG: oh hey kanaya  
GA: Ever Since Equius Met His Matesprit She Has Been Lonely  
GA: She Is Ever So Helpful  
GA: And Probably A Lot Better At This Sort Of Thing Than Either Of Us  
GA: Besides Rose Is  
GA: Busy  
TG: ok ok fine  
TG: i will go spill my guts to nepeta  
TG: you two carry on being  
TG: air quotes  
TG: busy  
  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
  
TT: He's doomed, right?  
GA: Oh Yes Absolutely

~

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
  
TG: OH MY GOD ROSIE ARE YOU OK?????  
TG: rosie?  
TG: are you there??  
TG: damn  
TG: stupid shitty wifi  
TG: stupid hellmurder island  
TT: I'm here.  
TT: I had hoped to avoid discussing it in detail with you at such a remove.  
TG: dont worry i wont make you  
TG: i just want to know youre ok  
TT: I'm fine, mom.  
TT: I promise.  
TG: right then  
TG: you want to stay with kanaya thats fine by me  
TG: youre in good hands  
TG: and no theres no secret motherly contract  
TG: im rooting fr you two to touch butts  
TT: Oh my god.  
TG: i rly am going to lose the signal in a minute tho  
TG: stay safe sweetie  
TG: say hi to the maryams for me  
TG: i love you  
  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
  
TT: Love you too, mom.

~

Breakfast at the Maryams’ apparently means Pop Tarts, and orange juice for you, blood for the trolls—capped and with straws, for your sake, as the smell isn’t all that palatable if you’re not a drinker. It’s still a little funny to you to see your alien girlfriend with something as mundanely human as a toaster pastry sticking out of her mouth, but you suppose there’s not exactly a troll supermarket in the neighborhood to provide them with Grub Tarts or Pop Grubs or Captan Crunch (“Now with grubs!”) or whatever it is trolls eat for breakfast on their home planet.

Porrim finishes the last of her blood with an amusingly indelicate slurping noise and licks the remaining blue flecks from her lips. You’re just reflecting that she isn’t anything like as intimidating as you used to think, sat at a breakfast table in a kitchen full of recognizably human fittings and fixtures—with the odd obviously Alternian device in stark black and gray standing out in the sea of white appliances—when she reaches forward to take your hand and your heart starts beating faster and you feel a little like a mouse faced with a graceful but nonetheless deadly cat.

“Rose,” she says, “I must go to work soon and I may be away for several days. Please stay with us tonight and for as long as you need to.”

“Thank you,” you say, controlling your voice carefully. “I’d like to stay a few nights, until my mother gets home.” You suppress a shudder at the thought of sleeping alone again.

“You’re always welcome,” Porrim says, and seems about to say something else when a car horn sounds outside. Eight times.

Porrim smiles, pats the back of your hand, and stands. She’s out the front door less than a minute later and, curious, you go over to the kitchen window to see who is driving her to work.

You watch as Porrim climbs into a convertible sports car next to the troll who came by briefly last night. Before she’s even closed the door the engine’s squealing and the car races away.

“That’s the first troll I’ve seen who doesn’t drive a huge SUV,” you say.

“Aranea Serket,” sighs Kanaya, “is a huge show-off.”

“Oh?”

“She likes to call herself Mindfang,” she says, deadpan, wiggling her fingers by her forehead. “She can control people.”

“Mind control?” you say, and Kanaya nods. “Does she do it often?”

Kanaya grins. “Once, that I know of. It lasted until Porrim knocked her out.”

“Wait. Vriska’s her descendant; can _she_ do it, too?” You’re imagining Vriska’s revenge coming in the form of some awful mind-bending attack.

“Technically, I suppose,” Kanaya says, and laughs, flexing her right hand and balling it into a fist. “But the only time she tried it ended with her mysteriously unconscious.”

You laugh with her, and take her hand with both of yours. It’s strange; despite all that’s happened, despite all that might happen, you feel completely safe when you’re with her.

Maybe you’ll never leave Kanaya’s side. What a hardship that would be.

Kanaya turns you around, gently, so that you’re standing facing away from her. She links her arms around your belly and rests her chin on your head.

“I could get used to having you around, you know,” she says.

“I was just thinking the same thing.” 

And so there for a little while you stand, in her arms, protected, loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by my lovely moirail [Arjache](http://archiveofourown.org/users/arjache), who spotted many typos, Britishisms, and failed references. All mistakes that remain are mine.


	3. Chapter 3

Years in the past, but not many.  
  
==>

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
  
TC: HeY.  
CG: WHAT THE SWEET BULGELICKING HELL IS THIS?  
CG: AFTER THREE PERIGEES OF SILENCE SUDDENLY A CLOWN CHILD EMERGES FROM THE LAND OF WHEREVERTHEFUCK AND CALLS UP HIS QUADRANTMATE.  
CG: AND SAYS "HEY."  
CG: AS IF NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.  
CG: AS IF THE WHOLE LAST SHITTING SWEEP HADN'T BEEN CHARACTERIZED CHIEFLY BY GAMZEE FUCKING MAKARA, SUPPOSED MOIRAIL OF ONE KARKAT VANTAS, SHIRKING HIS RESPONSIBILITIES AND LEAVING HIS "BEST FRIEND" ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BIGGEST CRISIS OF HIS SHORT AND MISERABLE LIFE.  
TC: hEy ThAt'S a LoT oF wOrDs To Be FaCeD wItH aLl RiGhT nOw.  
TC: NoT sUrE i CaN fAcE tHeM iN tHiS.  
TC: wHaT iS iT.  
TC: wHeRe My ThInKpAn'S aT.  
TC: sTaTe Of MiNd.  
CG: DON'T YOU GO QUIET ON ME AGAIN YOU WORTHLESS LUMPSNIFFER.  
CG: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE EVEN TURNED ON A COMPUTING DEVICE IN THREE PERIGEES.  
CG: IF YOU WON'T COME OUTSIDE YOU CAN AT LEAST LET ME KNOW YOU'RE OK.  
CG: WHAT EVEN HAVE YOU BEEN EATING.  
TC: WhAtEvEr CoMeS mY wAy BrO.  
TC: jUsT wHeN i ThInK i'M aT tHe EnD aLoNg CoMeS aNoThEr MiRaClE.  
TC: a MiRaClE oN fOuR lEgS.  
CG: TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T BEEN EATING CATS.  
TC: nO tHe LiTtLe PuRrBeAsTs ArE mY bEsT fRiEnDs, ThEy AlL uP aNd BrInG mE gIfTs.  
TC: SqUeAkInG aNd ChIrPiNg AnD aLl TaStInG lIkE mAgIc.  
CG: THAT'S MARGINALLY BETTER I GUESS.  
CG: WHERE ARE YOU ANYWAY? FEFERI HELPED ME BREAK INTO YOUR HIVE, WHICH LOOKED LIKE A BOMB HIT IT BY THE WAY, I MEAN IT, AN ACTUAL LITERAL BOMB, I'M NOT BEING CUTE AND IMPLYING YOU'VE BEEN LEAVING YOUR FUCKING JUGGLING PRONGS ON THE FLOOR AND FORGETTING TO PUT AWAY YOUR CLOWN MAKEUP, I MEAN IT LOOKED LIKE SOMETHING HAD RIPPED IT APART FROM THE INSIDE.  
CG: AND YOU WEREN'T THERE.  
CG: SO WHERE ARE YOU?  
TC: hey i can't be telling you bro.  
TC: YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.  
TC: I cAn'T bE dOiNg ThAt AgAiN, aLl FiNdInG mYsElF tOo LaTe.  
CG: IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT AND YOU KNOW IT.  
CG: DON'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR MY FAILURE AS A MOIRAIL.  
TC: NoW dOn'T bE aLl LoOkInG tOo HaRd In YoUr OwN sElF fOr WhAt I dId, ThAt'S nOt WhErE tHe MaGiC iS.  
TC: iT's AlL oN mE aNd YoU bEsT lEaRn ThAt AlL rIgHt NoW.  
TC: jUsT bE sTaYiNg OuT oF mY fEeLeR rAnGe AnD eVeRyThInG wIlL sHiNe On FoR yOu.  
CG: NO SHUT UP YOU NEED TO COME BACK TO US. WE CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU.  
TC: BeSt If I kEeP oN mY oWn, BeSt FrIeNd.  
TC: No MiRaClEs LeFt InSiDe Of Me.  
TC: YoU fInD aNoThEr OnE tO hOlD yOu AlL uP.  
  
terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

~

Days in the past, like, literally just the other day.  
  
==>

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]  
  
CA: ros i got a question an i need you to keep it quiet  
CA: theres no one else i can go to youre my only hope  
CA: wwell i been talkin to gam but its hard to translate honks an pappins into meaningful advvice  
CA: as for kar there might once a been a time wwhen i told him evveryfin but the last swweep hes off playin palepals wwith your girlfriend so he gets none a me noww  
CA: an wwhile his constant belittlin an dowwnright hurtful comments wwere ok wwhen i mighta got somefin out a it  
CA: wwell noww i got bigger an better fish to fry  
CA: so its gotta be you  
TT: If this is a prelude to some sort of black romantic solicitation I feel compelled to inform you, "I don't swing that way." That is, I'm interested neither in men nor in whatever a caliginous relationship looks like. Have you tried courting within your own species? You must be somebody's type.  
CA: wwoah calm dowwn the instant rejection i get enough a that from practically evveryone  
CA: this aint blackflirtin  
CA: i need some advvice  
CA: ok  
CA: i dont knoww howw much you knoww about alternian society but if wwe wwere growwin up back there i wwould a had expectations a status an certain obligations  
CA: but i pupated here an theres no powwer structure for me to inherit an no vvast gatherin a pathetic siltbloods for me to take charge of  
CA: none a the other highbloods seem to care they all got their owwn stuff goin on  
TT: So you're suffering from a crisis of position? No-one to give orders to?  
CA: no i couldnt care less about that  
CA: its a relief actually ivve been readin about wwhat trolls a my blood had to do back home an it aint pretty  
CA: an sure i wwent through my kill all landscum phase like any noble troll  
CA: egged on by my ancestor i should mention  
CA: but i look ahead a me an all i can see is nofin  
TT: What do you mean?  
CA: i mean my practically royal blood shoulda guaranteed me a path through life an all i wwoulda had to do is followw a road pavved wwith the corpses a my enemies  
CA: theres no road here  
CA: gam doesnt care he just giggles an pokes me  
CA: an fef  
CA: if she hatched on alternia she mighta been empress but for all she talks about it youd think she wwas a shitblood  
TT: Picture me raising a disgusted eyebrow at your terminology here.  
TT: Again.  
CA: wwait i didnt mean that fuck  
CA: my heads full a wwhaleshit dualfuckinscar shovved up in here  
CA: hes a fuckin spiteful old man wwants evveryfin to be like it wwas back home wwith us on top an the lowwbloods crawwlin in the dirt beneath us  
CA: an that aint reality  
CA: an hey im not blamin him for all a my flawws  
CA: but i been playin a role for too long an it doesnt fit an i dont understand it so i figured  
CA: talk to the expert  
TT: I'm not sure I follow. What exactly am I an expert in, in this particular context?  
CA: ovvercommin howw you wwere raised up a course  
CA: theres a person you wwere gonna be an it wwasnt you  
CA: so you changed it  
CA: gotta be honest i admire the shit outta that  
CA: an i nevver been good at bein my owwn person i need someone to strivve for an emulate  
CA: thats you noww  
CA: so  
CA: can wwe talk  
TT: This isn't what I expected when you messaged me, I have to admit. And I should warn you upfront that Kanaya's emotional needs will always come first for me. And mine, too; I am hardly done with my own process.  
TT: Kanaya for her part will probably still want nothing to do with you.  
TT: But I am happy for us to talk.  
TT: Although I'm not actually sure what it is I can do for you.  
CA: hey no not noww  
CA: i made more than enough progress for one day  
CA: an i got a clowwn to watch  
CA: seems like all i do these days  
CA: take care a the clowwn  
CA: an stare out the wwindoww at all the trolls got their heads on right  
CA: so  
CA: its gonna be me calls you  
  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]

~

Today, ten or twenty minutes after Porrim and Aranea zoomed off in Aranea’s 8adass car.  
  
==>

Karkat Vantas is always a remarkable sight: roughly your height, rake-thin, buzzing with energy, apparently unable to keep his hands still. You’re never sure whether his intensity is at any given moment due to his perpetual anger at the world and everyone in it, or his burning need to make sure his friends are okay and not doing anything unutterably foolish.

He’d burst through the front door into the Maryams' kitchen a few moments ago, dropped his bag, gave Kanaya a hug she hadn't seemed entirely prepared for, and then rounded on you.

“Hello, Karkat,” you say before he can open his mouth.

“Rose, good morning. I have what that insufferable douchebag you call a friend insists I term a ‘human bone’ to pick with you. And what even does he get out of that? We’ve been mixing with you idiots for over a year now and he insists on behaving as if he can trip me up with simple cross-species linguistic jokes. Yes, Strider, we all know ‘human bone’ refers to one of your bizarre human sex organs. Your shitty plans to embarrass me have failed yet again.”

“He is not here, you know,” Kanaya says. “You might want to save your rage for a more appropriate time, such as when you and he are in close enough proximity for your scathing comments to reach the appropriate ‘insufferable douchebag.’ Although I’ve always found Dave to be helpful and considerate; have you tried approaching him differently?”

“I’m not going to even think about approaching that nookscraping bulgesore right now. Strider’s why I’m here,” he says. “Strider’s why I’ve been running in circles desperately hoping Kanaya would detach herself from your backside, Lalonde. In fact, and this is where my human bone makes its entrance, I want to condemn you in the strongest possible terms for your total absorption of my moirail into your endless rolling crisis. I appreciate that you have a lot going on in your life but I’m not exactly the poster child for serenity myself, and for the last perigee more and more irons have taken it upon themselves to jump into my own personal fire and without her I’ve had no concerned voice in my auricular ducts and no friendly shoulder to bite.”

“Karkat—” you start.

“The last time I was left without a moirail Kanaya had to rescue me from a four a.m. pit fight with that fucking clown you may have met, whose moirallegiance with me had degraded beyond the reach of shooshings, pappings, and hard strikes to the base of the thinkpan, and finally collapsed when I found myself wielding an improvised weapon in a duel to the death with a maddened rap jester in a filthy clown hole in the middle of fucking nowhere. It was the event that kickstarted our mutually fulfilling relationship and provided me with a small amount of consistency and joy in my life.” He starts pacing. “But with our beloved neighborhood rainbow drinker obsessed with you in ways I’m not sure I can fit into a single quadrant I’m left with no-one to extract me from future ill-advised drunken tussles with sugar-junkie garbage Juggalos. I’m heading for another major emotional pile-up and I have no-one to grab the wheel of my personal failure vehicle and steer me back towards something resembling a healthy state of mind!”

Kanaya grabs Karkat’s shoulder and he allows himself to be pulled into a hug with his taller friend’s chin sat on his head.

“You don’t need to make a big fuss about it, you know,” Kanaya says. “If you need me you can just ask. Something Rose has got the hang of remarkably quickly.”

He scowls. You’re still not sure how much of this is real anger on Karkat’s part, and how much is just him working out his frustration with some over the top ranting, so you give him a careful smile. 

“Rose doesn’t need to ask,” he grumbles, but he’s clearly deflating. “You orbit each other like a pair of complementarily colored moons.”

“Rose asks,” she says, quietly. “When she came out to me, when she told me her name, that all started with her asking. You can ask, too. And need I remind you that you haven’t exactly been available to me, lately?”

“What could you ever have needed me for?” he says. You think he's trying not to look shocked.

“Imagine me faced with flushed feelings for a new but dear friend who is going through some major changes in her life,” Kanaya says. “Imagine me terrified of throwing myself at someone who may not have wanted me or for whom I could have been a second choice.” You carefully hide your astonishment. Maybe you hadn’t been as profoundly obvious in your infatuation as you’d assumed? “I was facing potential heartbreak,” Kanaya continues, “and I was terrified of hurting Rose, and where were you? Half the time when I pestered you, Terezi answered. I’m more than grateful that you came through for me, for both of us, in the end, but can you see why I might have turned to other people? Including, you should know, Dave.”

Karkat’s face is unreadable. “Urgh,” he says, after a moment, “I fucked up, didn’t I? Fuck, Kanaya, I—”

Kanaya shooshes him. “Give us some credit. Everyone in this room has fucked up.”

They stand there in silence for a few moments and, watching them, it dawns on you where you’ve seen this kind of dynamic before, why it seems so familiar: your mom and Dave’s bro. Your mom and Dirk Strider have always described themselves to you as “very good friends” which for a while when you were younger had you assuming there was something romantic going on—you amend the thought: something _red_ romantic—but in your girlfriend and her shouty moirail you can clearly see Dirk of a few years ago hyperventilating on your couch and your mom sat cross-legged next to him, rubbing his shoulder, holding his glasses when he cried, helping him put himself back together.

 _Ah_. This is moirallegiance, then. For a moment you wonder what on earth the frantic Karkat could possibly offer calm, centered Kanaya in return, and then you realize that you have not have seen Kanaya at her most in need. The thought makes you a little sad—that there might be a part of your girlfriend, your matesprit, you will never see—but you override it almost immediately; how unfair it would be of you to rely on her so completely and then deny her whatever support she might need from someone else! Just because it isn’t you doing the helping, you tell yourself, there’s no rational reason for jealousy, and you resolve to thoroughly examine and quash any instincts that tell you otherwise.

You wonder if this is what polyamory is like.

You decide the best thing you can do right now is give them the space they need to catch up, to cry on each other, to do whatever it is moirails do. You have some stuff of your own to do, anyway.

You down the rest of your orange juice, stand, and walk over to the gestalt entity that is your tall girlfriend and her moirail.

“I’ll give you two the room,” you say, smiling. “You obviously have important stuff to talk about and I probably owe a couple of people a ping on Pesterchum. I’ll just be in your room, Kanaya?”

She nods and smiles, shooting you a grateful look from over Karkat’s head. You lean up and kiss her on the lips and, what the hell, give Karkat a quick kiss on the forehead. You owe him a lot, after all.

“Hey, Lalonde,” Karkat says. “Wait. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” you say. “You’re right. I’ve been monopolizing Kanaya.”

“You’re damn right you have been. I’m not apologizing for that.” Then he scowls again. “Okay maybe I’m a little apologizing for that?”

“It’s possible you could have expressed yourself with less shouting,” Kanaya says. “And perhaps not directed at her a rant meant mainly for me.”

“For some reason I find it very hard to shout at _you_ ,” he says, “but I promise to be less of an asshole about it if it ever comes up again. And hey, look, Lalonde, I want to express my disgust at the feculent human discharge you encountered last night, and to commend you on your apparent decision—” here he makes a show of looking around the kitchen and then at Kanaya “—to spend the rest of your life around trolls. Our males are semi-uniformly at least half the time more tolerable to be around than your average human man and as such represent an obviously—occasionally—superior choice.”

Kanaya gives his shoulder a squeeze. “I enjoyed listening to you moderate your enthusiasm for our kind more and more as you presumably mentally inventoried our cadre of male associates,” she says. “I would be curious to know which individual prompted the biggest downgrade in your assessment of our species.”

“If you have to ask then you’re not the judge of character we all assumed you were,” Karkat replies, then turns his attention back to you. “Rose, I’m sorry you had to deal with that shit. Once I get my head straight, if you want to talk about it...”

You smile. He really is quite sweet. You wonder what it is that’s got him so wound up he nearly exploded without Kanaya to unwind him. What the hell did Dave do?

“Thanks, Karkat,” you say. “I appreciate it.”

Then you gather up your stuff and return to Kanaya’s room, and your laptop.

~

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  
  
TT: I require the services of a suitably weary and cynical woman of the world.  
TT: Unfortunately the only women I know who fit that description are either trolls or my mother. I don't believe the former can effectively advise me on this particular matter, and I'm not sure the latter is a viable option at all.  
TT: It's not that I expect her to give bad advice.  
TT: It's that I expect her to collapse at my feet in a soggy heap and wail about the various hardships I am currently enduring and with which I expect to be visited in future. And then she'll throw money and/or wizards at the problem until it goes away, which is not how I want to approach everything in life.  
TT: Plus, she's halfway around the world right now, although I consider that only a minor issue compared to the prospect of my mother sobbing into my skirt.  
GG: well i dont know if there are any women of the world here rose!  
GG: but i like to think ive been around and seen a few things  
TT: Attack ships on fire off the second moon of Alternia?  
GG: just john complaining nobody wants to go to movie night any more  
TT: Has he considered inviting Karkat? I can't think of anyone more passionate about film than him. And I suspect a healthy kismesissitude would bloom in the epic struggles over whether it's time to watch a romance or a Cage flick. And possibly distract Karkat from whatever crisis is currently clouding his judgment.  
GG: i dont think johns ready for that kind of relationship!!  
GG: although the telling off karkat gave him at the bbq was probably a good start! :D  
GG: you should have seen his face, he didnt know whether to be offended or sorry  
GG: have you spoken to him since then?  
TT: Briefly. He sent me enough messages that I blocked him for a while. It felt perhaps a little cruel but I had other things to do, you know?  
GG: i remember, he kept complaining to me about it  
TT: Sorry to palm him off on you like that.  
GG: haha, dont worry!  
GG: everything has been quiet in harleyville lately, i have energy to spare  
GG: im happy to herd troublesome egberts  
GG: i told him if you cant stand the heat, dont be a dick!!  
TT: I envy your facility with metaphors.  
GG: yeah well hes been so annoying lately!  
GG: he was on my ass a couple of days ago for spending so much time at fefs  
GG: i think he misses when it was just the four of us  
TT: Well, the three of you plus me, orbiting at a discreet distance.  
GG: yeah.........  
GG: i was so sad when you drifted away  
GG: i didnt know what to do!  
GG: it was never the same without you  
GG: hmph  
TT: Hmph indeed.  
TT: I'm sorry, by the way. I was not myself.  
TT: Almost by definition.  
GG: hey!!!  
GG: i will brook none of that from you missy!  
GG: no apologies, i was fine!  
GG: and now you are too :D  
TT: Thank you, Jade. You always were a good friend.  
GG: i missed you so much, i was so glad you worked out what you needed to work out  
GG: because i hoped we could start hanging out again  
GG: even if we havent done that much hanging out recently!  
TT: It's already been pointed to me today that I've been spending a lot of time with Kanaya, to the exclusion of everyone else.  
TT: But I think from today we're both going to make the effort to spend time with our other friends.  
GG: well good  
GG: like i said i miss you  
TT: I've definitely missed you, too.  
GG: .......  
GG: wheeeee! this got heavy!!  
GG: so john, what a fuckass right???  
TT: He needs to get his own patron troll. I'll have to ask Kanaya who's free.  
GG: lets set him up with eridan!  
TT: That's not the fate worse than death you might think. I've mellowed on Eridan. We had a conversation a few days ago and I don't think he's the person he's always pretended to be.  
TT: I can, as you might expect, relate.  
GG: wait is eridan a she??  
TT: No, nothing like that.  
TT: At least, I don't think so.  
TT: It's a confidence I can't break, so suffice it to say that he's willing to change; planning on it, in fact.  
GG: well thats good and mysterious!!  
GG: i wont hold my breath for the new considerate eridan tho........  
TT: It's safe not to expect rapid change. Until I persuaded him otherwise he was still throwing around words like "shitblood" and "landscum."  
GG: you know he and feferi used to be moirails?  
GG: she broke it off because he was "all carp and no shoal"  
TT: He was a shellfish moirail?  
GG: you betta glubbing believe it!!!  
TT: I'm sure it wasn't on porpoise.  
GG: whale whatever the reason he was a crabby frond!  
TT: I admit defeat.  
TT: Fish puns. I can see the appeal in a bit of harmless fun, but I am perplexed as to why anyone would build them so completely into their idiolect.  
TT: I'm glad my close troll associates are unafflicted.  
GG: you just wait  
GG: you and kanaya have been dating a few months right?  
GG: the longer youre friends with a troll the more you make friends with other trolls  
GG: theyre pretty much a part of my everyday life now!!  
GG: and so are fish puns  
GG: and cat puns  
GG: and numbers instead of letters :p  
GG: and little forks on your capital --Es :D  
GG: by the way feferi said vriskas pissed at you!!  
TT: I'm on top of it.  
TT: I hope this isn't an indelicate question.  
TT: You've been spending a lot of time with Feferi, I've noticed. Are you...?  
GG: are we what???  
GG: theres so many quadrants to choose from rose!  
GG: black, red, pale.... grumpy  
TT: Ashen?  
GG: grumpy!  
GG: anyway theres lots so be specific ;)  
TT: Pick one.  
GG: yes!  
TT: Um.  
TT: I'm not sure how to interpret that.  
GG: well neither am i so.......  
GG: we kissed a little  
GG: and then sollux was there and we kissed a little more!  
GG: we were just kind of a big happy ball of people  
GG: were in the big happy ball quadrant!!  
TT: That sounds like a complicated quadrant. Are there special mating rituals involved?  
GG: mostly we watch spongebob  
TT: I'll have you know I'm imagining Feferi singing the theme song right and it's very cute.  
GG: in person its kinda sexy??  
TT: I'm sorry but the mental image is still just making me giggle.  
GG: oh, sollux asked about you  
GG: about pronouns and stuff???  
GG: i said well you know what her pesterchum is!!!  
GG: and they got all mumbly :p  
GG: so you might want to pester them some time!  
TT: I don't think I've ever even spoken to Sollux.  
TT: I'll make sure to contact them in a few days.  
TT: Believe it or not I had something I wanted to talk about.  
TT: With you, specifically.  
TT: It's... a little upsetting. And given that I don't know if you've had any incidents like it, perhaps triggering for you to think about?  
GG: rose youre worrying me now!  
GG: i got no major traumas just the usual minor bullcrap now tell me what this is about right now young lady  
TT: Last night I very foolishly gave a lift to a man who proceeded to put his hand on my leg and slide it... upwards.  
TT: I dissuaded him, turned around, drove to a nice bright open place and waited for Kanaya and Porrim to come and get me.  
TT: That's the long story short. I'm staying with Kanaya until mom gets back in the country.  
GG: oh sweetie what the hell!  
GG: oh my god!!!!  
TT: I'm okay, really.  
TT: Kanaya has been amazing. I'm past, "well, that happened," and now I'm looking forward.  
GG: what do you mean?  
TT: I have an abstract idea of the sort of stresses the world places on young women. The sorts of things men demand of them.  
TT: Of us.  
TT: What I lack is practical knowledge.  
TT: Kanaya is a fearsome glowing troll vampire and as such is wonderful protection and a really good kisser but men seem to be too intimidated by her to try anything, so she has no first-hand experience.  
TT: You, if I may make an assumption, have.  
GG: well yeah especially on femme days but really all the time  
GG: you probably remember my chest showed up early!  
TT: I do.  
GG: ever since then its been constant  
GG: you learn, you deal  
GG: dont go down that street walk with your car keys in your knuckles  
GG: we should talk about this, yeah  
GG: but not over pesterchum???  
TT: Thank you so much, Jade.  
TT: This means... everything to me. I am only now beginning to realize the depths of my naiveté.  
TT: Should I come to see you?  
GG: im not at home im actually at fefs!  
GG: so why dont we all meet?  
GG: the coffee shop near karkats?  
GG: bring everyone and then we can talk about whatever  
GG: and maybe start talking about this stuff too!  
TT: I'll suggest it to the moirallegiance pile in the kitchen.  
TT: And Jade.  
TT: Thank you, again.  
GG: thank me with a frappucino!!!  
  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

You flop back on the bed and stare at the ceiling for a few moments. You feel bad about burdening Jade with all this—enough of your friends have become involved in your every dilemma—but you don’t know where else you could turn.

What little you can hear from the kitchen seems to indicate that whatever Karkat and Kanaya have to do is not done yet, so you flick through your Pesterchum contacts to see if there’s anyone else you need to talk to.

Tavros’ chumhandle is flashing.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering adiosToreador [AT]  
  
TT: Tavros. Anything urgent?  
AT: aH, rOSE, hIIII,  
AT: i, dON’T KNOW IF IT'S ANYTHING, bUT,  
AT: vRISKA WAS SUPPOSED, tO COME AROUND THIS MORNING,  
AT: aND, i HAVEN'T SEEN HER,  
TT: You think she's up to something nefarious? Secretive pir8 shenanigans?  
AT: i, dON'T KNOW, sHE HASN'T BEEN TELLING ME MUCH, lATELY,  
AT: bUT I'D, uHH, wATCH OUT, iF IT WAS ME THAT WAS BEING YOU,  
AT: sHE HASN'T WRITTEN ANY LETTERS, fOR A LITTLE WHILE,  
AT: i THINK SHE'S, pLANNING SOMETHING,  
TT: I'm sure I'll be safe. I suspect I'll be surrounded by friendly trolls as long as I'm in your neighborhood.  
TT: Besides, I thought the local legislacerators were very strict about unwarranted violence or harassment?  
AT: yES, tHEY DON'T WANT A RETURN TO, tHE OLD WAYS,  
AT: "A BETTER WAY TO BE A TROLL,"  
AT: bUT, yOU KNOW WHAT VRISKA'S LIKE,  
AT: pRIDEFUL AND, uHH, uNPREDICTABLE,  
AT: sHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT KANAYA, sHE'S JUST JEALOUS KANAYA HAS SOMETHING, sHE DOES NOT,  
TT: I still don't know why you spend so much time together.  
AT: sHE'S CHANGED,  
AT: gROWN UP,  
AT: mOSTLY, aNYWAY,  
AT: wHEN IT'S JUST US SHE CAN BE ALMOST, sWEET,  
TT: That's a tricky picture you’re painting there.  
AT: nO, rEALLY,  
AT: sHE HELPS ME ON DAYS WHEN, mY LEGS ARE WEAK AND I NEED, tHE FOUR WHEEL DEVICE,  
AT: aND I TRY TO GIVE HER, dIRECTION,  
TT: That sounds almost pale.  
AT: wELL, yES, mAYBE, tHAT IS A THING THAT MIGHT BE HAPPENING,  
AT: nEITHER OF US ARE DOING WELL IN, oUR OTHER QUADRANTS,  
AT: wHICH SHE IS TAKING, uMM, mORE PERSONALLY THAN I AM,  
AT: aND MAY BE THE IMPELLING FORCE BEHIND, hER OBSESSION WITH YOU,  
TT: If it comes up again, and you can do so without risk to yourself, do please try to make her aware that humans have no black quadrant that I am aware of.  
TT: And that if a sudden urge for hate romance ever does strike me I am unlikely to want to explore my newfound feelings with someone who could remove my head with an angry sideswipe.  
TT: Oh, I should mention I'm staying with Kanaya for a while. So don't ride all the way to my place this week; there won't be anyone there to make you approximately French toast.  
AT: oH, tHAT SOUNDS NICE, tHOUGH, fOR YOU,  
TT: We're going to the coffee shop near the Vantas' later on, I think, if you want to join us?  
AT: i MIGHT DROP IN,  
AT: tHANK YOU FOR, tHE INVITATION,  
TT: And thank you for the warning.  
AT: sTAY SAFE, nOW,  
  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering adiosToreador [AT]  


As you finish talking to Tavros, Kanaya sticks her head around the door.

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” she asks. “Karkat and I have reached a point where it seemed more productive for us to take a break than continue listing reasons why he is a hopeless grubworm with no romantic, monetary or nutritional value.”

“How dare you,” Karkat yells from the kitchen. “I am a delight.” 

Kanaya rolls her eyes. “That’s what _I’ve_ been saying.”

“I was thinking of going to meet Jade at the coffee shop a few blocks over,” you say. “Does that sound like a good idea, or are there more kitchen remonstrations required before we can take our grievances outside?”

“Yes, god,” Karkat shouts. “It turns out trolls who regularly drink blood are horrible at coffee. They only have Folger’s instant shit.”

You close your laptop and join him in the kitchen, grabing Kanaya’s hand on the way and enmeshing your fingers. She pushes up against you and you enjoy her warmth.

“Kanaya, really?” you say.

“It’s all the same with a drop of rust in it,” she says.

“Does everything here have blood in it?”

“Probably the Pop Tarts don’t.”

~

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
  
AC: :33 < pst  
AC: :33 < dave i need your help!  
TG: youve reached the office of dave strider helpmaster general  
TG: how many i direct your call  
TG: whats that you say  
TG: you need help  
TG: well leave your anguished message after the tone and in six to eight weeks you will be the recipient of the smoothest assistance money can cajole  
TG: this is not a guarantee  
AC: :33 < *ac runs in worried circles around daves legs*  
AC: :33 < these people theyre  
AC: :33 < ugh  
AC: :33 < so awful  
TG: i dunno whats in it for me  
TG: ive got a serious day planned here  
TG: many attractive young people coming to pay their respects to the strider and his musical genius  
TG: maybe some are gonna stay behind  
TG: there will be an after party  
TG: its going to get nasty  
AC: :33 < *ac wrinkles her nose at your deception!*  
AC: :33 < i know youre lying  
AC: :33 < you wouldnt have a party without inviting me  
TG: okay you caught me  
TG: my plans for the day include  
TG: making some dinner probably hot dogs  
TG: maybe fielding roses latest polysyllabic self doubt if she happens to come online  
TG: hiding from my romantic problems  
TG: better than any party  
AC: :33 < *ac perks up*  
AC: :33 < romantic purroblems?  
AC: :33 < *ac narrows her eyes*  
TG: dave backs away from the devious cat troll  
AC: :33 < if you help me right now  
AC: :33 < then i will help you  
AC: :33 < with your quadrants!   
TG: i keep telling you  
TG: i dont have quadrants  
TG: i just have one  
TG: a onedrant  
TG: and its full past capacity  
AC: :33 < pl33se?  
AC: :33 < just give me a chance!  
AC: :33 < i helped silly equius with his human matesprit  
AC: :33 < spent a week letting him hug me until he could do it without squ33zing too tight  
AC: :33 < i can help you too!  
TG: im not gonna hug you though  
AC: :33 < :cc  
TG: ok maybe ill hug you  
AC: :33 < :33  
TG: whatever  
TG: ill come help  
TG: and then afterwards we can explore my many problems  
TG: its probably better you than rose tbh  
AC: :33 < thank you!  
AC: :33 < hold on ill send you the invite  
  
turntechGodhead [TG] joined the party!  
  
turntechGodhead [TG] zoned in to Crimson Temple.  
  
TG: sup  
AC: :33 < hi dave!  
AC: :33 < do you like my druid?  
TG: nice ears  
TG: so whats up with these guys then  
AC: :33 < ugh theyre so bad  
AC: :33 < i came as kitty but the tank was so bad i had to take over  
AC: :33 < then the healer left!  
TG: ok hold on lemme put my holy gear on  
AC: :33 < *ac admires daves majestic hat*  
TG: damn right  
TG: my priest getup is magnificent  
TG: father dave coming through  
TG: baptizing only the most attractive babies  
TG: ugly babies go to purgatory  
TG: fair warning im a messy baptizer  
TG: the first three rows will get blessed   
TG: so whats the deal  
TG: where are you up to  
AC: :33 < last boss  
TG: oh right the guy with the big shoes  
TG: ok how about this  
TG: we kill this guy  
TG: loot his corpse for whatever sweet shit he carries around in his giant shoes  
TG: then i will make my hot dogs and maybe head over to trolltown  
TG: we can meet in that nasty coffee shop ampora works at and discuss my serious problems and make fun of his hair  
AC: :33 < ok!  
AC: :33 < just  
AC: :33 < *ac hisses*  
AC: :33 < heal me heal me heal me  
TG: ok ok keep your tail on  


~

You love this part of town. It’s all a fairly new development, built with troll money by the first generation—Porrim and Aranea’s—to live on Earth.

As you walk through the fall streets, Kanaya explains to you that Aranea, who arrived on the planet with a large stash of precious metals and other gaudy pirate junk, had been one of the only trolls with the resources to buy any property at all. She’d been all set to exploit her riches until Porrim and Latula had quietly pointed out that one could have even more influence as a respected landowner and philanthropist. The self-styled Mindfang was thus coerced into a relatively socially responsible role and didn’t even extract too much rent from her tenants.

“She considers herself the unofficial mayor of us,” Kanaya says, “and predictably revels in the local residents’ respect, admiration, and tolerance for her habit of driving dangerously around the neighborhood flying a skull and crossbones from the back of her sports car.”

“My appalling ancestor said there was a huge shitstorm when Feferi was hatched,” Karkat says, “because everyone was afraid Serket Senior would try to cull her like she’s the fucking micro-Condesce but she was surprisingly unbothered about it.”

“She knows she’s onto a good thing here,” Kanaya says. “Everyone knows her name, everyone respects her, at least to her face. She even represents the troll community to the humans. I think she loves it.”

You’re holding Kanaya’s hand, only half paying attention as she and Karkat keep talking about local troll politics. You should probably be listening more carefully but you are concentrating on enjoying yourself: a life that you were almost denied is stretching out in front of you, full of moments like these.

You feel quite appallingly lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my incomparable moirail [Arjache](http://archiveofourown.org/users/arjache) and my indescribable girlfriend Rowan for betaing.
> 
> I had real fun wrestling the quirks through a couple of online quirkifiers (I don't do it myself because I'm lazy and terrible) and I'm pretty sure everything made it through intact? I apologise for any formatting errors and quirk failures that may have snuck through.


End file.
